Boyfriend Maldonado
Boyfriend Maldonado is a Narrative League Blaseball player.
| Boyfriend Maldonado | |
|---|---|
| Team: | New Jersey Gardens |
| Position: | Shadows |
| Batting: | 1.3 |
| Pitching: | 1.9 |
| Baserunning: | 1.7 |
| Defense: | 2.3 |
| Fate: | 12 |
| Peanut Allergy: | YES |
| Evolution: | Base |
| Pre-Game Ritual: | Begging |
| Coffee: | Coffee? |
| Blood: | AAA |
| Soul: | 8 |
| Boyfriend Maldonado on the NLB main site | |
Lore
Boyfriend Maldonado was produced as a standard abstract black plastic mannequin in an unknown factory, and was soon after purchased in a bulk order by the fashion chain store Forever 2001 in Waterbridge Mall, Bridgewater, New Jersey, and subsequently displayed on the shop floor. She spent an unknown amount of time blissfully aware of her existence. According to an interview, her first moment of consciousness was one where a shopper pointed her phone at her, addressing a Facetime call on her screen saying, "do you think I could pull this off? I dunno. It's soooo out of style." Boyfriend's immediate existential crisis of being a living, thinking being was overriden by a much more severe one-- she was unfashionable. Boyfriend quickly planned her escape, fleeing the mall<ref>About $700USD in merchandise was reported missing from the Forever 2001 store in Waterbridge Mall the morning of May 7, 20▇▇, but no cause or culprit was located.</ref> <ref>On May 8, 20▇▇, footage from a security camera dated two days prior was posted to Yloutube with the title "REAL (NOT CLICKBAIT) HAUNTED MANNEQUIN AT MALL". The one-minute, thirteen-second video was up for three months and collected about 60,000 views before suddenly disappearing from the Internet.</ref> and made her way to Stockton, New Jersey.
Boyfriend is still a mannequin, but her plastic body has been modified to have more points of articulation, making her as mobile as her fellow humanoids and a surprisingly good splortswoman. Her true passion is her style and aesthetics, and along with her passion for clothes, she has a rotating collection of wigs and paints facial features on her blank face daily. Her fashion sensibilities are known to clash with the sport; she has managed to agree to at least wear the team colors on the field, if not the standard uniform overalls, however, her insistence on wearing heels at all times hampers what would otherwise be good baserunning.
Boyfriend has no capability for speech; like a number of other Gardens players, she communicates in American Sign Language. (ASL speakers outside the Gardens regularly find their speed and slang impenetrable and incomprehensible.)
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